Anger  is another face of fear. There's nothing inherently good or bad about anger. It is simply an emotion. As such, it has something to teach us about ourselves. As with all emotions, it is subject to change at a moment's notice. We can receive the lesson and move on. Or we can ride the emotional roller coaster and pretend that other people are in some way responsible for our own personal behavioural choices.

When we feel angry, it is often because we feel threatened in some way. Rather than playing the usual societal games of "good guys and bad guys," we can consciously choose new behaviours which will bring us more joy and peace. We always have the option to choose conscious action from our own center of power, or to unconsciously re-act and give our power away.

An exercise to help you deal with anger:

If you are angry about something, STOP! Take a deep, deep breath in, and place your hand on the center of your chest. Hold your breath a moment. Then exhale, loud, long and slow. Keep blowing until you can't blow any more.

Now breathe in again, very deeply, and bring your awareness to the center of your being. Ask yourself, "What am I afraid of?"

Keep breathing, slowly and deeply. Perhaps you will find your fear instantly. Perhaps your ego will play games with you for a while. ("I'm not afraid of anything!")

That's OK. Just keep asking the question until you get to the Truth.

Many times we use anger and "righteous indignation" as a diversion to avoid dealing with our own "stuff." It can often seem to be so much easier to be pissed off at someone else than to admit that we may have some fear and control issues.

Once you have identified your fear, continue breathing deeply and slowly. Reassure yourself. This is no time for harsh self-criticism. Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge your fear. Try to figure out what part of you is afraid. [I guarantee you, it really isn't all of you! ;-) ] What can you do to assist the part of yourself which feels afraid?

Ask, "What does this situation remind me of? When have I felt like this before?" You may find some interesting tie-ins to some very old wounds.

After you get the "ah-ha" on this one, ask yourself, "Is that really what's happening right now?" You can't see the current situation clearly if your emotions are still reacting to some past trauma.

Once you are calm, ask, "What actions could I take to best meet my needs in this situation?" Come up with at least 7 options. The more, the better. Like frightened animals, our wounded egos relax more easily when they no longer feel trapped. The more options you can come up with, the easier it will be for you to see that you really do have the power of choice in this circumstance.

How this works in "real" life:

Let's look at a common scenario so you can see how this all works. Imagine that there is an employee who feels unappreciated by an employer. In a meeting with others, the boss takes credit for the employee's ideas. The old behaviour would be for the employee to feel victimized and angry. The employee could use this situation as just one more confirmation that the boss is a %$#& jerk. After the meeting, the employee could complain to other employees, who may or may not commiserate. The co-workers who joined in and reinforced the anger of this employee, would be viewed as friends. Co-workers who refused to join in the emotional drama, would be viewed by this employee as potential "enemies." Here we have the typical "good guys vs. bad guys" game which has been so popular on the global playground.

How does any of this drama and turmoil serve this employee, the co-workers or the boss? How does it improve the situation?

Now, imagine this same person, in the same situation, decides to try a new behaviour. Suppose this employee has read about a technique on some strange website, and decides to try it. Rather than play the offended victim and try to draw others into the game, this employee gets alone, breathes deeply, put a hand on his / her heart and asks, "What am I afraid of?"

An answer comes. "I'm afraid my boss will never give me credit for my good ideas. I'm afraid no one else will ever know how very competent I truly am. I'm afraid no one sees what an asset I am to this organization. I'm afraid that I'm expendable. I'm afraid I'll get laid off. I'm afraid I won't get another job. I'm afraid I'll be poor. I'm afraid this is the only place I can work and they might not want me. I'm afraid I'll end up homeless. I'm afraid people will think I'm a loser. I'm afraid no one will ever respect me. -- "Etc. etc.

The enlightened employee just lets his ego fears keep running on the hamster wheel until the process feels "done." There is no judgement or criticism of the fears, just a detached observation of the ego's insecurities.

Then the employee asks, "What part of myself feels afraid?" He feels fear in his body in the pit of his stomach. He feels fear in his heart as emotionally being about 8 years old.

Now this employee asks, "What does this situation remind me of? When have I felt this way before?" Perhaps he is reminded of a childhood time when a sibling received praise and financial reward for a chore, which he himself had performed. Perhaps he is reminded of a team lab project in college in which he did all the work while the rest of the team partied. Perhaps he is reminded of an ex-wife who took credit for his remodeling job. Perhaps he remembers when this same boss received a bonus 2 years ago based on work that the employee had performed.

The employee can now look for the gift, the "ah-ha." Let's imagine that the employee now sees he has a pattern of silently seething while others take credit for his work. He feels the same fear he felt in college that he would have to work hard while everyone else partied and that they were all laughing at him behind his back. Now he can separate this situation from all the emotions of the past. He can reassure himself that he is not 8 years old, or 19 years old or anyone's victim. It is not the past. It is now. And in this now, the newly enlightened employee asks himself, "What actions can I take now to best meet my needs in this situation?"

He comes up with the following options:

1. I could calmly speak up in a meeting and say something like, "I'm glad you liked my ideas." Then I could offer to answer questions or further clarify points.

2. I could put my ideas in writing, make multiple copies and distribute them to everyone on the team at the same time.

3. I can talk to my boss privately, tell him I appreciate how much he values my ideas and tell him I'd appreciate it if he lets others know that the ideas came from me.

4. I can cuss out my boss and quit.

5. I can tell my boss's boss what's going on.

6. I can continue in the same pattern and be more appreciative of my paycheck.

7. I can e-mail everyone in the office and tell them that the boss is taking credit for my work.

8. I can give him ridiculous ideas that won't work so that everyone will know he's an idiot.

9. I can stop blaming my boss for my own reluctance to appreciate myself.

Some of the options he has created, actual help the employee to laugh at himself and how emotional he had become. He settles on options 3, 2, 1 and 9. The drama is over. Energy and time that could have been wasted in emotional upheaval have been used to create positive solutions. Life goes on. The employee is empowered and peaceful and no longer trying to engage others in his personal chaos.

Summary:

Is it always that easy? No. But sometimes it's even easier! ;-)

The point is, anger is just a thing. It is up to us whether we use it to shrink or grow, bind or free ourselves, retreat into darkness or expand into more Light. It's all about the personal power of choice. Whether we consciously choose a different way of acting or unconsciously re-act based on some outdated old emotional patterns, each of us is creating our life's circumstances through the choices we make in every PRESENT moment.


 el 2001